omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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