GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
