Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
