shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
