WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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