I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She even gives head with a lisp.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
