oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We got so high we made milksteak
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
