Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
