i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
