I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
