Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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