i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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