I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
