Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
