just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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