Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
