I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
