i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
