is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Randomize
