I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
