The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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