Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
