member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
