so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
