I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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