i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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