all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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