he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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