Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
