omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
