Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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