is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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