Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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