Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
