just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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