i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
