what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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