The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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