Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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