I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
