Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
