even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
