When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
