2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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