he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
