i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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