Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
