Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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