You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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