I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
