"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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