I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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