Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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