i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
