she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
did i walk over a car last night?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
