addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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