Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
