"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
