Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
