my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
