whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
