it's too hot outside to masturbate.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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