he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
