i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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