why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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