whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
