So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
