Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
