Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
