why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize