its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
