Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
