I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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