tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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