I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
