He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
