just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
