we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
