I have demons in me.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
