me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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