I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
