I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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