The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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