If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
