This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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