I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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