just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
