I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
