she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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