his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I woke up under a house in Key West
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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