Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
