im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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