I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
