Betty ford says i'm here all night
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
