What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
