All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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