i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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