Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
