It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize