I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
