It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
