Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
