and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
