My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
