SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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