No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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