people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just had sex bonerless
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Of course I have a pirate flag
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
